Rest assured that I’m hard at work writing up some new stuff. Actually, don’t. I’m a gamble, babe. But I do have some really cool things in the works as well as a big announcement for readers this Sunday. Thank you all for reading and a huge thank you the feedback. It’s been really encouraging to hear all the nice things about Garbage Day (in it’s first month, too!).

For now though, a little schlepping of goods. Believe it or not, I have friends in the real world. And they are infinitely more talented and industrious than me. So today I’m gonna take a break from being a second-rate Cracked and showcase Kling Bags.

Remember kids, when you’re pandered to at Garbage Day, you’re pandered to with attitude!

IN YOUR FACE! X-TREEEEEEEEEME! BOO YAH!

OKAY THEN. MO…ahem, moving along…

My friend Natasha has a lil company called Kling. Kling makes handbags. Really awesome ones.  And to get into the holiday spirit, she’s offering 60% her entire stock.

(smokin' hot girl not included. cat sold separately)

So picture this: it’s Christmas day and you’re with your sweetie. The snow is falling gently outside and a roaring fire is keeping you both warm.

Thing is, she’s not quite sure how to break the news to you. I mean, you used to be fun. You two used to go out. Now it’s just constant bickering and fighting. And yes, your drinking has become a problem. It was fine in college, but really, you’re going to hurt yourself or someone else.

But she’s been putting it off. And now she’s stuck in the mire of the holidays. Christmas, New Years and then Valentine’s Day…it’s going to be a long winter of going through the motions before she can break it off and finally jump into the sack with Gary from accounting.

i came home and she was just gone. all her stuff...gone. hey mikey, just leave the bottle with me, okay?

And then she unwraps this:

bam!

“Why….why, it’s perfect!” she says.

” You like?” you say sheepishly.

“I love it!”

“Yeah, it’s made entirely from environmentally-friendly, PVC-free and vegan materials. Cause I know how much you like the environment and dolphins and stuff.”

The air hangs with a stunned silence, as your lover’s heart grows 10 sizes too big. Suddenly, she realizes what a terrible mistake she would have made to leave you.

As you retire to the kitchen to pour your fourth pre-brunch Christmas scotch, rest assured that in no uncertain terms, Kling Bags gave you a stay of execution. As well as one for the lambs, giraffes, bobcats and dolphins (or whatever people make handbags out of).

do it for these guys.

So go on over to Kling, browse around and find your girl the perfect bag. She’ll look hip, feel sexy and be able to fend off attackers with style!

Make sure to order ASAP though. While Tasha’s bags are sturdy and dependable, your local postman is most certainly not.

"i'm gonna fucking kill everyone. here's your mail!"