Entries from January 2009
January 29, 2009 · 1 Comment
The Time Has Come For Richard Simmons
To Sweat His Ass Out Of The Closet
It’s 2009 and it seems like Americans have made a lot of progress towards social equality as of late, with the election of Barack Obama, an African-American man with a controversial middle name as our 44th President being the the most obvious. But while the ultimate racial barrier seems to have been knocked down, with the passing of Prop 8 in California, it appears that America hasn’t completely opened it’s mind to welcoming non-traditional lifestyles. The strongest example of this is that Richard Simmons is still potentially considered to be a straight man.
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Categories: Alheimers · Feltching · Medical Advice · Mogan B
If you’re anything like this writer, your regularly scheduled childhood broadcast was interrupted numerous times for a variety of public service announcements.
Whether it was the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles showing you how to refuse the temptation of drugs or Pee Wee Herman educating you about crack cocaine (which is more fucked up than smoking crack itself), the airwaves were alive with cautionary messages.
wait...what?
But drugs couldn’t hold a crack torch to the sheer horror of what would happen if you talked to strangers.
Turns out that pretty much everyone in your youth was out for your sweet virgin tucas. And T.V. was there to remind you in between ads for Trix and Hot Wheels.
So on with the show! Here’s
Garbage Day’s Best (?) Child Molestation P.S.A.’s!
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Categories: Kevin D
Tagged: P.S.A., sexual deviance, the fonz, very special episode
Short and sweet this week, most of my week was spent in the house trying to get some huge work projects done, so I didn’t get out into the world too much to have shit piss me off.
hatred + internet= delicious!
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Categories: guest writers
Tagged: Mark Bubb, SART
Celebrities have been endorsing shit you don’t need for as long as you needed shit. But what happens when these societal idols fall from grace? Or stab someone? Glad you asked…
Garbage Day’s Most Poorly Conceived Product Spokespeople (In Hindsight)
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Categories: Kevin D
Tagged: celebrities, smoking, sports
mogan spending court-mandated supervised quality time with his child (dna tests pending)
You wanted an update, here it is.
Garbage Day is now a duo consisting of myself (Kevin) and the always-by-way-of-occasionally-funny Mogan Brown. Hailing from San Deigo, Mogan made the journey to the Midwest seeking fame, fortune and true love. When not writing for Garbage Day, Mogan works security at the Metro and wonders where the fuck it all went wrong.
fuckfuckfuckfuckfuck....
But enough from me. Here’s the man himself…
Hello to all 6 of you out there in garbagedayland! I hope you like shit talk, because I sure have brought it in my first article for this site about people who will no doubt tear out my endocrine system if they ever take at look at it! I hope you’re ready to giggle your fiddle, because I know I am! Oh Jebus………….
Categories: Mogan B · updates
Garbage Day’s Look At Athlete Tattoos!
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Categories: Mogan B
Every Sunday (or whenever he feels like it) Mark Bubb muses on the important things in life and posts them over on his facebook group. I then host S.A.R.T. over at Garbage Day and add funny images. Think of it like something filled with something that’s funny and shit.
In my continued hatred for those less fortunate than me, I decided today the only thing I hate more than homeless people, is really old homeless people. And no, it is not because I feel bad for them, it is because when you are stuck at a a light, and they are coming at you for change or whatever, it is like the world is in slow motion. If they were an old lawnmower they would be going less that turtle, like snail speed.
pictued: bubb's interpretation of homless people
Everything seems to take forever and you start to freak out. It is like the Matrix and dodging bullets in slow motion. You see them coming, you roll up your windows, look around for something to throw at them, check the light, look in the coin holder, look at the light again, WHY hasn’t it turned green!!! Come on come on, you look back at the old homeless guy, he is like 2 feet closer, it must have been at least 30 seconds by now… FUCK!
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Categories: Musings · Sunday Afternoon Random Thoughts
Tagged: Mark Bubb, SART
There aren’t enough readily available.
I’m gonna dispel a common myth: being a comedy blogger does not get you the type of ass one would think it does. And being a manchild, I have…erm..needs. Needs which must be met, preferably with as little amount of claw marks to my face as possible.
It’s hard to meet women. Actually, strike that. It’s easy to meet women. All one needs to do is step foot out the door and visit a local bar. With a slight amount of confidence and a large amount of booze, you’ll be chatting away in no time.
But fuck that. I don’t want conversation and I certainly don’t want another friend. Dinner and drinks? Psh. Catching a movie and coffee? No ma’m.
All of the aforementioned are just the middleman between a guy and getting some. In a move of sheer brilliance, I took to the internet to cut out the supurfolous bullshit and make my life more the the R. Kelly song it was meant to be.
pictured: my hero
Waiting for a 12 year old and pee joke? Fuck it, I want it all.
So here’s the ad I put on Craigslist:
The Results? Nothing.
Nothing but girls who thought it was “really funny.” And would like to meet me based on my “sense of humor.” After I tried to explain I wasn’t kidding, all communication halted.
What the fuck, people? Are you telling me there’s no sluts out there?
With Valentine’s day on the horizon, you can be certain the prospective sluts of Chicago have not heard the last from Garbage Day.
Categories: Bangin · Feltching · Kevin D
Tagged: hatchet wounds, love, relationships, sexual deviance, sluts
Our dear friend Monika Ebly was kind enough to take a moment from having musician-ineptitude induced seizures to write this piece for us. Enjoy!-K
You’ve seen a million faces and you’ve rocked them all.
What do you mean “Of course I have”?
Pull up a chair and let me rock you, Amadeus. It’s time for:
Garbage Day’s 5 Surefire Tips For Failing Miserably In The Music Industry!
excellent!
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Categories: guest writers · music
Tagged: failure, music, surefire tips
