“GodDAMNIT!” I scream, breaking the silence of Mogan’s meditative indoor water/rock garden. “The fucking Stereo MC’s turned me down too! How in the hell is Garbage Day supposed to get a music section off the ground if we can’t even get musicians to talk to us?”
The serenity of trickling water rolling off of sculpted quartz returns to the room and Mogan contemplates my dilemma. After what seems like an eternity of waiting, he looks me dead in the eyes and quietly responds: “have you tried looking up Snow?”
“Snow? You mean the rapper from the early nineties?”
Mogan nods his head.
“Well fuck. Why not.” I hop online and start to look for Snow’s last known address. Mogan goes about his daily chants and incense burning rituals.
“And dude, where did you get all this hippy shit from? We’ve got nothing in the budget as is…”
“Shhhhhhh.” I can see I’m clearly interrupting his wakening of the third eye.
As I leave the room, yet one more drop of wisdom is dispelled on me from my writing partner.
“The Inuit have many names for snow. It is your task to find the essence of a force of nature, hidden within a man’s soul. I stole all this shit from Bed, Bath and Beyond.”
Garbage Day’s Fireside Chat With Snow!
I arrive at Darrin O’Brien’s garden level apartment at 4:30. O’Brien, better known as the chart-topping rapper “Snow” has pushed our meeting back by three hours. “I man comin with the irie in good iwa, coppin I some new outvention,” he explains to me. “Got to be livicated an’ eversure in lord’s product placement. Mi soon come.”
O’Brien pulls his hatchback up to the sidewalk at 4:52 and greets me with a rousing “I-ney!”
this guy
As I help him carry some cardboard boxes filled with various pewter sculptures of dragons in action poses, letter openers designed to resemble broadswords, and snow globes with scenes of the fabled wizard Merlin inside, I can’t help but inquire.
whoa dude! is that the midnight dragon? fuckin sweet!
O’Brien reassures me that “these collectibles got ilie over iwa. You cop at 40 and inna di lights, you got paper. Mos def.” I silently concur.
Now 39 years old, the Canadian rapper Snow’s life has changed in almost every conceivable fashion since he dominated the charts with his 1993 reggae/hip hop hit, “Informer.” Snow, whose namesake is an acronym for “Super Notorious Outrageous Whiteboy,” still remains dedicated in his adoption of Rastafarian custom and mannerism, which first propelled him onto the mainstream music scene.
where music you sorta remember goes to die!
GD: So Darrin, you…
Snow: I Nah goes by Darrin. Memba dat. Darrin came out I madda’s nash. Snow am I name from Jah. Me nah do that Darrin. Massive.
GD: Okay, sorry about that. So Snow, what have you been up to since your hit album “12 Inches Of Snow?”
Snow: Dem jancro at the record label dropped daddy Snow. Mi naa jesta! Sayin people get bad irie from I, when they find I born in Canada. Dem folks aint no my heat lie in homeland of Jam-down…
not pitcured: 2009
GD: Right then. Labels can be fickle, especially with a white reggae artist.
Snow: Me am no jancro, Snow am I-dren! I-dren!
GD: Whoa, sorry dude.
Snow: No worry. Everything irie.
From the drawer of his coffee table, O’Brien then produces a terrifyingly huge joint.
Snow: You black up today?
GD: Um, no. I’m not really much of an, erm, ganja smoker.
O’Brien dismisses me at he attempts lighting his spliff. Snow continues…
Snow: Me not a craven choke puppy. Snow is Mr. Mention! Dem can’t handed is rude boy. I and I am irie… mi a maas a money from dem collectibles…
At this point our interview is interrupted as Shawn Moltke, better known as Snow’s collaborator MC Shan enters.
MC Shan: Goddamnit, O’Brien! What the fuck did I tell you about smoking this shit in the house? (Gestures at me) And who the fuck is this?
snow and mc shan get away from it all for some alone time
GD: MC Shan! Wow! Hi, I’m Kevin DeLury. I write for a blog called Garbage Day and I was interviewing Snow for a music piec…
MC Shan: Yeah, yeah. Whatever. You wanna talk to this stupid son of a bitch about a song we did 16 years ago, go right ahead.
Snow: Don’t play tea tar toe with me, Shan. You test my shottas and an I get crazy alias.
MC Shan: Will you please shut the fuck up with that Jamaican shit? I swear to Christ I will shove those stupid dragons up your ass.
you know the best thing about money? you never run out of it!
GD: Yes, about those…
MC Shan: Yeah, did O’Brien tell you about this dumbass idea? I should have a fuckin lobotomy for going along with it. You know those shitty display cases at gas stations? The one that sell all those cheap ass trinkets? Well O’Brien convinces me to put my savings into some goddamn pyramid scheme. We buy all this stupid shit and sell it at road stops. “Dems is ilie,” or some shit like that. Right now we’re twelve thousand dollars in fuckin debt and now I’m stuck living in this hellhole.
Snow: Dey call me Mr. Hot Stepper…
MC Shan: Shut the fuck up.
Shan then produces a pint of E&J brandy from his coat pocket and drinks deeply. The apartment is stone silent, save for the glups from Shan. He stares off for what seems like hours before finally refocusing on his roommate and me.
MC Shan (to himself): Stupid motherfucker.
mc shan, the dopest rapper on third shift at the plant
GD: Well, um…I think I’ve got everything I need here.
Snow is passed out, a thin stream of drool rolling down his cheek. His joint has since burned out and rests on the tail of a white dragon perched on ancient ruins. Shan pauses from looking out the window, sniffing as he rubs his sleeve along his eyes.
MC Shan: See yourself the fuck out.
pretty much
END TAPE
21 responses so far ↓
Chris Estes // February 19, 2009 at 1:28 pm
Wow. Snow. What an obscure reference.
josh // February 20, 2009 at 8:05 am
WOW. thats um just not real.
b // February 20, 2009 at 11:54 am
hah real nice
jabez // February 28, 2009 at 11:03 pm
A licky boom boom, indeed!
J.Billz // March 6, 2009 at 5:23 pm
Sounds like whoever the fool was who wrote this article was the one who collects the majestic dragons…
Snow is sick with his, and well respected in Jamaica — and I’ve met him on many occasions…dude just doesn’t talk like this at all
If you’re gonna try to pen a funny article…at least make try to make it “funny”…the internet is full of wack shit, we don’t need you to add to it
catherine // March 8, 2009 at 8:52 am
j.billz is my hero.
Kevin // March 8, 2009 at 1:18 pm
j.billz is the hero the world needs right now.
catherine // March 11, 2009 at 6:18 am
hahahahahahahaha
Informer // April 24, 2009 at 4:35 pm
When we were kids we always thought the bridge went “I think I met a nice young lady / I hope she don’t know I’m retarded.” Sorry to pull an Obama but that’s what we said.
a de 1 // August 5, 2009 at 10:16 pm
i remember seeing Snow get carried out by bouncers on seversl occasions at different after hours establishments and in some of the Yorkville spots in the 90′s. Sounds lke he still can’t handle his shit.
His mother used to be hot………….back then
His brother is another story…………
\
vanessa // August 14, 2009 at 7:01 pm
snow are you still alive herd you got shot relly hope not
vanessa // August 14, 2009 at 7:03 pm
snow are you still out there plz tell me xx
vanessa // August 14, 2009 at 7:06 pm
you av got a amazing voice
vanessa // August 14, 2009 at 7:07 pm
did you get shot
vanessa // August 14, 2009 at 7:08 pm
let me know how you are 07901870616
vanessa // August 14, 2009 at 7:12 pm
snow dnt knowif my coments wil get to you as dnt know if you are alive as herd you got shot when you came out of lock up
vanessa // August 14, 2009 at 7:18 pm
it is 2 am and trying find outabout snow
Kevin // August 21, 2009 at 11:01 am
um guys….this is a comedy blog. whether it’s actually funny or not remains to be seen.
however, i feel i should clarify that this interview is entirely fictional. i have never met snow, nor will i ever probably meet snow. essentially, all he is to me is that guy who was on the radio a lot when i was in 5th grade.
so in terms of snow getting shot, i really am the last source of info. now if you wanna talk about dick and fart jokes, i’m your guy. rappers from the 90′s getting shot? not so much.
melvin fudge // September 15, 2009 at 9:00 pm
personally having known snow I believe that he had no intention of selling the pewter dragons, they we’re bound to be destined for his beloved trinket cabinet. His flat is all backed up with this kind of junk, he’s mad about fossil ammonites and has dozens of ‘dreamcatchers’ from various sources. All things said and done he’s a top bloke.
I Just Had To Stop « // October 28, 2009 at 3:43 pm
[...] this article gained any steam, I stopped and thought about what I was doing. And honestly, if Snow fans are able to track me down, I don’t wanna think about what some guy from Indiana dressed in clown makeup would do if he [...]
Diva // December 14, 2009 at 9:42 am
I can not believe people are taking this serious, LOL. Any true Snow fans who have spent any time with him knows he does not speak like this, nor does he have an accent, or tell everyone he’s from Jah all the time, LOL. People, let’s get real. It’s supposed to be funny. Granted, they missed the mark, but take it for what it was supposed to be.