Man, it seems like we just had a Sunday Afternoon Random Thoughts up. Oh well. If you’re new to S.A.R.T., every Sunday (or whenever he feels like it) Mark Bubb muses on the important things in life and posts them over on his facebook group. I, in an attempt to lighten my burden, then host S.A.R.T. over at Garbage Day and add funny images. Woo hoo! Anyhow, don’t forget to vote on the next Garbage Day Article! See you guys on Monday or Tuesdayish.

Holy christ do I fucking hate holiday text messages. I have no problem with mass text messages, but for some reason holiday messages piss me off.

When I see my friends in person no one says “Happy Holidays” or shit like that. We don’t give a fuck, we are going home to hang, drink, and see the family. Not celebrate a holiday.

That being said, why then would you be fake and send me message of something that you would not say or care about? Utilize mass text messages for their intended use:

1. Writing many girls/boys at one time something nice like “I miss you, we def need to hang this week”
2. Something funny “I just pooped a squirrel”
3. Drunk messages (also doubles as funny) ” I jist tok ashot and aboot pooped mu pant”
4. Hook up (also doubles as drunk) ” I am home from the bars early and alone, want to come hang?”
5. Morning follow up (also triples as drunk and funny) “Do you know where my phone or wallet is?”

you want to stick what in my ass? and you want your buddies to watch?

Am I the only one who can’t fallow all the fucking rating systems? I never know if something is good or bad. 5 stars, scale of 10, scale of 5, 5 diamonds, 2 thumbs, out of 100%….it is getting out of fucking hand, and then there is those dicks that make something out of 4 stars…god damnit.

Some places do 1/2 some do not. I was watching a movie commercial and even in the reviews they bolstered, 4 stars says the NY Times, I am thinking…4 that is not so good, oh but wait that is out of 5, ok, then the next is a 7.5….out of 5? DAMN that is good, no that was out of 10, o I see. From now on all rating systems are out of 10, no 1/2s, no stars, no diamonds.

sorry, poppa tick tock. we won't be needing those diamonds anymore...

Now, I bring this all up to share a game that my good friends from the East coast taught me while we were drinking in SD. This will pretty much piss anyone one off, always. We had our own deck of cards at the bar, lame right, maybe, but anyway, we each got 5 cards, a 2, 7, 8, 9, 10.

We all would sit there drinking and “playing cards”, but when a girl would walk by we each had to play a card…get where this is going. The fun in the game is anything under a 7 is a 2. Eventually tables around you catch on, dudes are laughing, girls are pissed, people start agreeing and disagreeing, after long enough and as the night goes on you may get confronted a few times.

tl;dr. no idea what image to use. so this is what you get

After WE have had enough to drink, we started blatantly holding them out to people as they walked by, a girl sure loves it when they see you holding a 9 their way, but when that 2 comes up, I have never feared for my balls so bad. I must have said, “hey, how are you, I just wanted to let you know you were my only 10 all night”, 15 times haha.

After a long “break” of watching movies, here is a list of ones that could use a sequel, or another to round out a trilogy.
Road House
Red Dawn
Happy Gilmore
Tremors (in this case it would be #5)
Billy Madison
Bad Santa
Breakfast Club
Dirty Work
Rambo (we can never have enough, also #5)

What do you think? List yours below…. I am sure there are plenty of movies that deserve the treatment for another movie.

never, ever, stop making these-ed

We went bowling yesterday (cosmic if you really needed to know). It had been a long long time since I have rolled a few frames. It was the biggest flashback ever, we were the oldest people by 5 or 6 years.

Remember high school? Roll up, slam some shitty vodka someone stole from their dad or brother, roll in, get a lane, act stupid, suspiciously always be walking out to your car for some reason (to drink more), hit on anything with boobs, nearly get kicked out for sliding down the lane, and then nearly get kicked out for seeing how far you could throw the ball down the lane. Puke in the bathroom, steal something random you have no use for, but seems like a good idea. I miss those care free days. (By the way I crushed Vince.)

methinks some nostalgia is afoot

So, 2 weeks and $1000 later my car finally has lost its smell…kind of, turns out there was a nice, large, rotting rat up in my intake. They had to take apart a ton of shit to get to it. When I dropped it off, my car guy and I were filling out paperwork and this super old dude came to drive my car to the garage but had no idea what was coming, he got into my car as we watched from the office laughing our asses off. He got in and freaked out trying to find the window controls and kept shaking his head. I picked the rat up in Hollywood after the MetalBlade Christmas party, at least that is our best guess….fuck rats.

now playing in bubb's car! tickets still available!

Well, almost one full week down not drinking anything. I even ate healthy and got a trial membership at 24-hour fitness. I think that makes me pretty legit. So, with that being said, we need to talk readers. I fear that you have a drinking problem and might being abusing your body. I once drank a lot, but I was able to correct my ways and not pollute my body and mind. You do not need to drink to solve your problems. I suggest seeing a counselor.

umm, sure thing dude. if you need me, i'll be over here-ed

Listen to the following and I won’t put a pipe bomb in your sandwich:
I Killed the Prom Queen
Famine
Impending Doom
Glue
Jay Z
innerpartysystem

Later sinners,
Bubb

Have you ever woken up and felt like fucking death? I mean real fucking death, not you pussies from the suburbs who had 2 margaritas and were in bed by like 11pm.

Sunday morning I woke up feeling like there was a mongoose trying to escape from my stomach, anything resembling light made my eyeballs want to puke, and loud noises made suicide seem like the only answer. It may have been the unhealthy amounts of Jager shots taken, the 3 A.M. Tuna Helper feast made with the wrong ingredients, or the uncharacteristic amount of dancing I did that night.

And as I continue to wrestle with this notion of me getting older, I am proud to say I was still able to be in the bar that day by noon with a Jack n’ Coke in hand for football. In your face society and your views of binge drinking!

I am EXTREMELY EXCITED to announce that the Sunday Afternoon Random Thoughts will now be simultaneously hosted over at Every Day is Garbage Day.

Saturday night Kevin passed the test to be involved.

You see, I don’t want just any dick-hole using the S.A.R.T. name, but Kevin passed with flying colors. Test sections included drinking way too much Jager, hitting on a friends sister while he was right there, dancing like a white person, putting drinks on another persons tab, and drinking a 40 in the bag. He received a 97%. (The judges felt making out with a friends sister in front of him would have made it a perfect score).

artist's interpretation

Nazi’s. It is common knowledge that their existence easily advanced the world like 50 years in medicine, technology, weaponry, and probably countless other things some people do not realize. But lets talk about the real issue, if they had not existed, what the fuck would Hollywood and The History Channel be doing right now? How many “Teen Movies” and “How It’s Made Marathons” do you think we could handle. Star Wars would not make any sense, Private Ryan would have not needed saving, and 22 of the 24 hour day on The History Channel would have no programming. Well….I guess we always have the equal rights movement…..but with Obama, I guess that is over now too. We need this Iraq war to kick it up a level!

trying to keep this as adorable as possible- GD

What the fuck is Kwanzaa? ….Just kidding, I don’t care.

A dradle? Yeah, I would be real fucking stoked for that. I mean 8 crazy nights sounds fucking sick, but I will take a Wii in one day over getting 8 pieces of shit like a dradle every night. And whenever thought putting candles in every window of your wood house back then was a fucking idiot.

looks pretty badass from where i'm standing...

I just went back and read the last three, I apparently am trying to piss a lot of people off this time around. Black-Jewish people fucking hate me right now.

(editors note: yes.)
Car Update: It still smells like absolute death-shit. It almost feels like a bad episode of CSI. Grisum is going to show up and ask me when I ran the kid over, and I am going to have no idea, I swear I did not know he was under there. And then they will have to do something that doesn’t exist in real life to prove I ran him over on purpose.

Like make some crazy graph of how far the smell has leaked into the car paint, at which point the will do a blood sample to determine how long I have been breathing in the burning flesh, and then lift a fingerprint off of air. (For the record, I did not actually run over a kid….I hope.)

It is fucking crazy how Christmas is the only holiday people disappear for 2 weeks. Most people got to work the Friday after Thanksgiving, but Christmas people leave work a week before and stumble back in the 3 or 4th of January. And don’t feed me the “but Mark, it is the birth of our lord” cause he and I know your ass hasn’t been to church for fucking years.

My flight into Chicago was delayed, so Southwest gave me free drinks on the flight, that with the 4 hours I spent in the airport drinking…. bad move Southwest. It actually got pretty funny, because between the airplane noise, my drunkenness, and the inability of the attendant to speak proper English, I could not understand a damn thing. The last hour of the flight was like this. “Burr, do you kneed another mink, last ball, we will be handing soon, so turn off your knapsack”. Unfortunately old man river on my left as of no help, as I think he was narcoleptic, he would be be-boppin one minute and face down on his tray table the next.

leavin on a jet plannnnneeeee...

Listen to these bands/people, and maybe I won’t burn your house down:

Metallica
Johnny Cash
Modernsextrash
Norther
Poison the Well
Mitch Hedberg