“why in god’s name would i need four iPhones?”

Just…wow. I’m gonna go soak my ears in bleach.

I got nothing, folks. In the meantime, here’s technoviking.

I’m still alive folks (and well rested, thanks for asking). Keep an eye out for a fresh batch of  misgivings soon!

A year ago today I started everydayisgarbageday.com. What a long strange trip it’s been. Thank you to each and every one of you who read, watched, listened, tweeted, facebooked, dugg, and stumbleuponed my meager offerings to the comedy world. It means to world to me.

Also, big ups to the folks that helped along the way: Mogan (obviously), Nick at fivedeep.com, Monika for a great article, Bubb for SART, James and everyone who held their Wizard Staff’s high. I hope I make you guys laugh as much as you’ve made me.

There’s been a moticable lack of updates…not for lack of trying, though. In between moving and being too lazy to get my internet up, work and life in general, there hasn’t been much time for writing. I’ll try and get back into the habit. It was just so much easier when I was unmployed and depressed all the damn time.Eh, you never know what the future holds….

Thanks, everyone. Happy Birthday, blog.

Because nobody at all asked for it….

Well, fuck. The party’s over. After 27 or so years of drinking, jackassery and whoring around ,all my comrades who once applauded my efforts are gone. What was once the boomtown of  early 20′s hedonism is now a ghost town of tumbleweeds; the Pussyhound Saloon closed long ago and Doc Sirosis’ General Store packed up and left town.

What I’m trying to say is that all my buddies are getting married and I swear to god it is the most depressing thing ever. But as we all know, one must always maintain a proper appearance at such occasions. So here you have it:

Everything You Need To Know About Weddings!

(more…)

“The M67 fragmentation grenade is the most commonly available grenade during combat in urban areas. It provides suppression during room-to-room or house-to-house fighting, and is used while clearing rooms of enemy personnel. When used at close ranges, it can be cooked off for two seconds to deny the enemy time to throw it back. The fragmentation grenade can be rolled, bounced, or ricocheted into areas that cannot be reached by 40-mm grenade launchers. Soldiers must be cautious when throwing grenades up stairs. This is not the most desired method of employment.”

Really, kids. Just think about it. That’s all I’m saying.

I’m not even kidding with this one. Here’s the first thing I thought about when I woke up this morning…

yaaaaaawn. who's life am i gonna fuck up today?

Television Shows That Would Be Infinitely More Interesting If Just One Word In The Title Was Recplaced With “Fingerblast”

8 simple rules for dating my teenage daughter
Rescue Me
Hell’s Kitchen
Family Feud
Bones
Flavor of Love
Who Wants To Be  A Millionaire
Judge Joe Brown

Feel free to add you own in the comments fingerblast section!